Loved Ones and Holidays

I had a moment this morning, while Ava was watching some old home videos from when she was born, and a few after, I saw my dad, alive and laughing. It caught me off guard and I lost it. For a split moment, it was like he was still here. I, for a moment, wasn't thinking about him, and then BAM! there he was, it took me back, back to the those last few days I held his hand, and just watched him slowly die. I miss him so much, but after my breakdown, I thought about it, and it made me appreciate my family so much, and those I still have in my life. I will always have the memories of those I have lost, and "I" have the opportunity to create wonderful memories for my family to cherish. I have to tell myself this, not daily, but often. Staying focused on my family, helps me through the tough days. During the holidays I think it is worse...all the memories I had as a child with my dad, and other family members that are gone now are more prominent now than ever before. Because of this, I will try to work hard every holiday season to do as much, sledding, baking cookies, taking the kids to the latest Christmas movie, watching old Christmas movies while eating homemade popcorn made from the stove, decorating the tree, putting the outside decorations up, seeing plays at the theatre, hot cocoa with mini-marshmallows, warming them up by the fireplace, and rubbing their cold little hands in mine...all these things, I hope my children will keep with them when I am no longer here, I know I will...this makes it all worth while.